Very often, I find myself hovering over your thoughts in my mind. The very first time you crossed my mind, with a smile so perfect it could put the finest piece of art to shame. Eyes so beautiful that even lotus buds can’t match them. And that nose. And those lips, those pink thin lips that manoeuvre so well when you speak! That’s how an image of you roams in my mind the way you do, in the streets everyday.
Sometimes I feel you’re just sitting here right beside me and laughing on my lame bio jokes about genetic codes and swag. And then you stretch out your legs, pull out your arms and put them around my shoulder. I feel comfortable and lean on your shoulder. And we talk about how our past was and what our future could be while spending our present together. We may even have a cup of coffee, eat some chicken popcorn… Oops! You don’t eat chicken! ( Well, that’s hard to come to terms with when you are my Mr. Perfect in almost every sense.)
“Anyway, food isn’t everything,” I say.
“Oh don’t be ridiculous,” you interrupt, ” food is the ultimate goal. The whole purpose of life revolves around food.”
I can’t help but simply stare at that incredible smile at the end of the sentence and again let my thoughts wander as to how we both share a common purpose of life, food! Yeah that is funny for all the romantics who describe every detail with a paradox. But to me, as a biologist, it’s the most beautiful thought ever.
We share a good time together before my mom comes in and screams, ” Stop staring at the wall and do some work!”
Oh what an idiot I am! I once again let you run through my mind. Once again I let myself be insincere and think of our meets. Once again I let a hopeless dream make me blush and chuckle while you dont even care about my existence. Oh dear! You could give me schizophrenia!
Only one thing dear, I have expressed my desire for you and you’re aware of it. Yet you choose to not speak up. Tell me honestly, when it’s me who’s baring it all and you are getting someone who would love you with every breath, why do u choose to maintain a distance? Why do you choose to stay away? Why do choose to let me go? When I am the one putting myself at stake for loosing you but you’re getting a lover for life, what have you got to lose?
I wish I could know!
– Shruti Sinha
( Procrastinating Perfectionist )
Photograph by Alwina Kathuria.