Infatuation had me drowning in it when I saw my reflection in the mirror. How could something so perfect be created and then life be poured into it?
Oh no, wait! That’s self-obsession! Ha!
Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror for hours? Maybe talked to the person in the mirror too? Ofcourse you have! It’s imperative for us all to do so. And whoever calls it a disorder has never been at pace other his/ her own self.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t just see me. But I see a version of I want to achieve, but I already am, you know? Y’all feel me there? Like I want to have a wedding but not be married? Yes, now you do!
I see someone flawless standing and wanting to scream,” when the hell will I be out of here”. That’s when I realise that I, myself, have trapped me in an imaginary box. The walls of the box have graffiti, mainly quoting ‘damn the society’ ‘let me be me’ ‘I can have an opinion too’ and so on. And, all this while, I have never truly left myself out. I have behaved. I have been civil. I have been careful.
But c’mon! Let’s misbehave! Let’s go rogue! Let’s be callous! Afterall, there is no life without death!
I talk sullen, I talk boring. It makes you sad? Oh, please! We don’t even know what makes us happy!
Happiness is a word. Sadness is a word. Every emotion is a word, unless felt with all your senses, including the sixth sense too!
How often have we lived and not just existed?
Only when we did things without thinking twice. Like jumping into the river? Eating chocolates when strictly told not to? Kissing a stranger in the middle of the night? Pulling out pranks on your roommate?
Ah, the list can go on. You know why? Because all this gives you a sweet reminiscent of all the times you had high, really high, dopamine levels. Better than weed, huh?
That’s exactly the kind of rush I feel when I look at myself. It gives me immense pleasure to know that I, oh yes I, am the one who lived all these moments. And you know what’s more fascinating, I can even paint my memories! Duh, beat that!
Just a little word err, paragraph, of wisdom,
“Self-love is much more empowering and liberating than putting your faith into something para, as nothing can be more comforting compared to be at peace with your inner self!”
– Shruti Sinha
( Procrastinating Perfectionist )
Photograph by Abhinavanand Singh.